


a light to find my way

by Lady_Abrasax



Category: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, DC Cinematic Universe
Genre: AU where Lex never gets arrested, Clex - Freeform, Feels ahoy!, M/M, Post-Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2016-11-30
Packaged: 2018-09-03 06:19:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8700784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Abrasax/pseuds/Lady_Abrasax
Summary: Lex has never forgiven himself for the night the angel fell.





	

**Author's Note:**

> The song used here is "Tomorrow Comes Today" by 12 Stones.

_Alone I face the sun_

_The burning has begun_

_I live to find a way_

_A never-ending faith_

 

He would never have walked down the street alone before all this. Now it’s all he wants to do: to be alone, to atone for his sins.

He approaches the monument in the heart of the city. Candles still flicker at its base, lighting up the words that are by now written on his heart:

**_If you seek his monument, look around you._ **

He’s seen others do this, so he has no fear as he sits Indian-style on the words. He knows that there are no remains under this monument. The coffin has been long-buried in a tiny cemetery somewhere in the plains of the Midwest.

 

_My heart is on display_

_And I long to find a place_

_A light to shine right through_

_All of the shadows on my face_

 

He’s visited the real gravesite before, alone, as the sun had begun to sink over the horizon. No one sees him then or now.

No one has seen him cry.

He isn’t allowed to be weak, isn’t allowed to feel; that was a lesson his father had taught him long ago by way of _fists and abominations_ , he’d once recalled.

Then why does it hurt so much?

 

_So shine for me as one_

_Cast a shadow on the sun_

_A light to find my way_

_I hope tomorrow comes today_

He has never been one for prayer, had never cried out to a higher power after his father’s torments. But tonight he does, tears rolling down his pallid cheeks as he looks up to the heavens and begs the angels to return _his_ angel, the only light he’s ever known.

The only reply is rain, which begins to drizzle down in a mist and put out the few candles that remain alight on the monument.

 

_Another day goes by_

_Alone I wonder why_

_Beginnings seem so close_

_And endings fade away_

 

He’s done this for days now. Every day he returns to the same position as before, but tonight is different. Tonight there is more pain than ever.

A week without him. A week of living with the guilt of being the one who killed him.

 

_So difficult for anyone to see_

_I barely recognize this image of me_

_I'm trying to hide the scars_

_All of them blistering on me_

 

Passersby recognize him, but none approach him to comfort him. _We know this pain,_ they think. _We know what it is to lose him._

The figure atop the monument knows this, knows their faulty reasoning for avoiding comfort.

 _No, you don’t,_ he wants to scream back at them. _You don’t know what it is to lose him like I lost him._

_You don’t know what it is to lose your heart._

But he never speaks it aloud.

 

_So shine for me as one_

_Cast a shadow on the sun_

_A light to find my way_

_I hope tomorrow comes today_

 

Night has fallen, and the monument is aglow with the spotlights at its base. It casts his shadow over the symbol that had once stood for hope, but now stands for nothing more than his own pain and self-hatred.

No one is on the streets now; no one wants to be in the rain.

He looks at his own shadow as a burning fills every vein. Hatred. Pure hatred for the man he’d been a week ago.

The hatred burns in his veins, and he’s about to lash out in anger at the nearest object, but another shadow joins him.

 

_And I will be the one_

_A shadow on the sun_

_A light to find my way_

_Because tomorrow comes today_

 

“Sir, you really shouldn’t be out in the rain.”

His reddish-blonde hair is sticking to his cheeks in matted wet clumps as he tilts his head slightly in the direction of the newcomer.

“Neither should you.” He turns back to the monument, to his self-loathing.

 

_And I have the strength to overcome_

_I have the will to carry on_

_I'm not scared to face this world on my own_

 

“Lex.”

For the first time in his entire life, his name sounds beautiful.

Slowly he turns, still on the ground.

 

_On my own_

_I’m dreaming,_ he tries to assure himself.

_But this is real._

 

_Alone I face the sun_

_The burning has begun_

_A light is shining through_

_And it brings me back to you_

 

The angel looks as beautiful as he had before, just as ethereal. At the sight of him, Lex’s heart swells with the love he’s been harboring and mourning these past days.

From above him, the angel smiles thinly under his umbrella.

For the first time in a week, Lex says his name.

_“C-Clark.”_

Even the angel can’t deny this mortal flesh its needs, and he pulls the other man up from the ground, his touch the benediction that’s been so desperately needed.

 

_So shine for me as one_

_Cast a shadow on the sun_

_A light to find my way_

_I hope tomorrow comes today_

 

Lex collapses into the angel’s arms, thin fingers gripping his shirt tight as the wave of emotions becomes a flood, and he mutters incessant apologies. Clark allows the man to hold him, his own chest tightening at this display.

Finally, Lex confesses.

_“I love you.”_

He realizes now.

Everything Lex had done, he’d done as a display of the obsessive love that only he was capable of.

He loved him.

 

_And I will be the one_

_A shadow on the sun_

_A light to find my way_

_Because tomorrow comes today_

 

Clark’s heart swells at the confession, and thin fingers reach under the pixie-like chin, tilting Lex up to meet his gaze.

His eyes are equal parts overwhelmed and lust-blown. Clark has seen that gaze there before, that night on the rooftop.

It _had_ been a display of love.

 

_I hope tomorrow comes today_

 

Their lips finally meet at the angel’s initiation, and the human only deepens the kiss, every ounce of his being bringing truth to his earlier words.

Clark realizes, as their lips part for the briefest of moments, that he’s in love, too.

The past is the past.

He kisses Lex again.

 

_I hope tomorrow comes today_

****

**_The angels cannot harbor hatred._ **


End file.
